Im a 90 year old virgin. Help me!?

So i just enrolled in college and i figured id get sex but this lady with huge knockers punched me for touching her hiney. It was then i noticed i havent had a buzz in over 30 seconds so i went to the back of Blacks and got some coke. I took some of it and went back to the college and i saw some dude injecting something on his body into my girlfriends ***. I went over and then i was part of his gabpngbang so now im not a vi...what was i talking about? Oh yeah. And thats how abe lincoln gave the gettysburg addre...oh wait. Then i found out they were 16 year old kids and i was arrested fo rape. How do i break out of jail?